Monday, September 28, 2009

Some hack at the Guardian got hammered and wrote a drunken screed about Windows

Gist is, he hates Windows, and it makes his life miserable, but he hates Apple fanboys even more. Or something like that. “I don’t care if you’re right,” he says. “I just want you to die.”

Despite the Mac hatred, this piece has been rocketing all around Apple today, and everyone is loving it, partly because the guy supposedly is defending Windows but he ends up doing a better job of bashing Windows than we ever could, but mostly because it seems pretty obvious that the guy got hammered and just wrote whatever came into his head, and for some reason his editors printed it. I mean it’s pretty amazing stuff. Like this:

I know Windows is awful. Everyone knows Windows is awful. Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it’s there, and there’s nothing you can do about it. OK, OK: I know other operating systems are available. But their advocates seem even creepier, snootier and more insistent than Mac owners. The harder they try to convince me, the more I’m repelled. To them, I’m a sheep. And they’re right. I’m a helpless, stupid, lazy sheep. I’m also a masochist. And that’s why I continue to use Windows – horrible Windows – even though I hate every second of it. It’s grim, it’s slow, everything’s badly designed and nothing really works properly: using Windows is like living in a communist bloc nation circa 1981. And I wouldn’t change it for the world, because I’m an abject bloody idiot and I hate myself, and this is what I deserve: to be sentenced to Windows for life.

And this about the horrible Windows 7 party video:

It’s so terrible, it induces an entirely new emotion: a blend of vertigo, disgust, anger and embarrassment which I like to call “shitasmia”. It not only creates this emotion: it defines it. It’s the most shitasmic cultural artefact in history.

Shitasmic? Now that is a keeper. Honestly, Nigel, just want you to know, we’re all running around using that word today, here at the Mothership. Much love.