Thursday, February 4, 2010

This whole bash-a-Mac-to-drive-traffic thing is getting so old

Nevertheless, the folks at The Inquirer give it their best shot, with an incredibly lame piece that claims Macs are much less secure than PCs and that Apple is a “cappuccino company.”

Just in case that flame bait wasn’t enough to drive traffic from angry fanboys, the Inquirer describes the typical Mac user as “a smug, technologically illiterate person who believes they are invulnerable because they use a Mac.”

Not to be a dick about grammar, but I guess I would point out that a typical Inquirer hack must be a smug fuckbag who doesn’t know the difference between singular and plural, or maybe they don’t realize you should keep that consistent when he writes a sentence, otherwise you might look like he doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

That aside, it’s true we appeal to people who aren’t super tech savvy. We’re proud of that. It means we’re succeeding in our ultimate goal, which is to make technology invisible. You shouldn’t need to know anything to use our products. You should just pick them up and use them. I know that this offends some people, and I don’t care, because I’m right and they’re wrong.

As Flaubert (or maybe Dave Winer, I can never remember) once said, “The author in his work should be like God in the universe, present everywhere but visible nowhere.” Substitute technology for author and you get the idea. The best technology is the kind that’s so good you don’t see it.

That’s also one reason (among many) that Windows sucks. It’s always there, getting in your way, pretending to be helpful but really just pissing you off, like that waiter who keeps stopping by your table asking you if you need anything else, and is everything okay, and how do you like your dinner. When it’s not doing that, WIndows just keeps making you do things in ways that aren’t intuitive, that aren’t natural. It keeps jarring you, getting in between you and whatever it is you’re trying to do. There’s too much there there, if you know what I mean.

As for us, we’re not perfectly invisible — I’ll admit that. But we’re getting better all the time.

But yeah, you go, little hack for the Inquirer. I’m sure you’re a real tech expert, and it just grates on you to see people using Macs and to know that those people aren’t nearly as smart or as tech savvy as you. Why, you’re probably the best programmer in all the world, way smarter than all the engineers who work at Apple, but you’re working for the Inquirer because you don’t waste your precious code on losers who don’t know about tech.

Bah. Poser.

Monday, January 25, 2010

I wouldn’t do this to my Mac, but maybe someone will

Much love to iPhone Savior for this one. Apparently after Monkey Boy signed that guy’s MacBook Pro, some artist got the idea to create a sticker with his head on it. Oh, and he’s also got one of me. He makes them by hand and they cost ten bucks apiece. Such a deal!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Desktop Mac sales are en fuego

Up almost 75% for the last two months, so says this very article here.  John, your fake Christmas card is in the mail.newimacs

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Why Apple succeeds, and always will

Can’t argue with Windows 7 fanboy Joe Wilcox on that headline, eh?Apple-2007-apple-41159_1680_1050

Friday, December 4, 2009

iMac, MacBook lead retail sales for October

Top quote from the Om Malik article: “Stephen Baker, analyst with The NPD Group, explained that because Apple has a limited number of computer models, it has an advantage over its Windows counterparts.”  So if Apple just made one single model, that would be even better? Anyway, the 13-inch MacBook led laptops, and the 21.5-inch iMac led the desktops.  More money for El Jobso.  After all, isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work?macbook

Sunday, November 29, 2009

What laptop are the Amazon faithful wishing for?

The top three spots on the laptop list are all held by the MacBook Pro.  But that might not be what ends up under the tree.screen-shot-2009-11-29-at-6-01-24-am

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Nearly half the money spent at US retail on desktops goes to…

…Apple.  Noted Windows 7 lover Joe Wilcox provides all the details.  El Jobso shown here taking someone’s down payment on a new iMac.apple_money

Friday, November 20, 2009

Smoking violates MacBook warranty?

The Apple Store in Jordan Creek, West Des Moines, Iowa knows how to lay down the law.  A man took his MacBook to the store for an overheating problem, only to be told that since there was smoking in his house, that voided his warrantyMacBook

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Gizmodo promotes Apple hatred

For some twisted reason, they have decided to run a story about holiday gifts for Apple-haters.  I didn’t know there was such a thing.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

We are closing in on 5.3% market share — watch out, Microsoft!

So says Philip Elmer-DeWitt, reporting on his Fortune-sponsored Apple fanboy blog that the release of Windows 7 did not hurt our massive momentum. Preliminary data shows our market share friggin soared from 5.12% to 5.26% in October. At this rate, can 5.3% be far away? I think not. Must run — Phil Schiller just brought in some vegan cupcakes to celebrate.