Thursday, December 31, 2009


I saw this headline and thought it must be a story about Gawker. But then, no — it was on Gawker.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The best alternatives to Apple products?

Don’t blame me, that’s not my header.  Came straight from Gizmodo, it did.  Mark Wilson is the author, and he feels there are alternatives to “every iProduct.” He should know there is no such thing as an alternative, and Apple makes the greatest products in every field.  Like to let Mr. Wilson know how you feel on this issue?  Write him here.

Super primo money quote sure to enrage El Jobso, especially the last part:

“Apple makes some of the most specialized mainstream devices around, but the gear is never very cheap and, let’s face it, it stinks for any one company to own your wallet.”

Monday, December 21, 2009

As phones do more, they become a bigger target

Phones have become handheld personal computers..that also happen to make phone calls.  As they become more advanced, they become a bigger target for scumbag virus writers bad guys.  The NY Times has more.Cell phone

Friday, December 18, 2009

Hacker group full of Shiite

Or so it would appear.  CNN reports that some frigtards calling themselves (get this) the Iranian Cyber Army, decided to put the kibosh on Twitter today, hacking into the site.  All is well now, and here’s the story.  A CNN senior editor said, “The hackers are definitely Shiites, as indicated by the ‘Ya Hussein’ chant printed on their banner.” (That’s where the snarky headline came from, get it?)story.twitterhack.cnn

Friday, November 6, 2009

Exclusive Story Opportunity: THE MAD SCRAMBLE TO BE IBM

That was the headline on the best PR pitch we’ve seen in ages, and which we just now got our hands on. One of the filthiest hacks on the beat has been trying to curry favor with Katie, and she’s playing along, pretending to be his friend, hoping we can maybe use him for something at some point. Katie calls this her “back pocket strategy,” meaning it’s always good to keep a few of these frigtards in your back pocket in case you need them someday. Anyway, this hack just got an incredible story pitch from IBM, the gist of which is that every company in tech is trying to imitate IBM. The hack passed the pitch along to us, and now we’re passing it along to you. Because sooner or later someone is going to bite on this story idea, and you’re going to see it pop up someplace, with lots of glossy photos and quotes from analysts and IBMers. And maybe this will give you some idea how the sausage gets made. Enjoy.

Pogue goes rogue

Our favorite fanboy hack, David “I’m Not a Journalist” Pogue, goes on CNBC to talk about the Droid, and practically drools over the nav package and the home dock. He says the iPhone is kind of “simple” compared to Droid, and that Droid won’t drop your calls in New York and California “like iPhone and ATT do.” Worst of all, when asked which he would choose, the iPhone or the Droid, he waffles and says, “It’s tough.” Um, David? That was not the correct answer. See the horrifying video after the jump.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Why I won’t be accepting the award from Fortune

I know what you’re thinking — because the story of Apple’s greatness over the past decade is not just about one man, there were loads of people responsible and I don’t want to claim all the credit for myself. But, um, no. It’s not that. If it were just that I’d have no problem at all.

MossPuppet says Ryan Block is an idiot

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Blodget declares: Did you realize you can now get the Internet on a mobile device?

Who knew? Henry Blodget of Business Insider says many people have been asking him to let them know how Henry Blodget feels about Henry Blodget’s iPhone now that Henry Blodget has been using an iPhone for a while. Henry Blodget says he’s blown away:

The Internet ROCKS. This is why I’m not going back. Internet on the iPhone was the original religious experience, and I’m just not going to give it up. I can now do with the iPhone most of the things I do with my computer, and that has made me a lot more productive.

Yes, Henry Blodget, the Internet does indeed ROCK. As does the iPhone. You’re welcome.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Halfpint halfwit at CNBC has no idea what Microsoft’s annual revenues are, and now must atone for his stupidity

CNBC tech reporter Jim Goldman went on air today and said Microsoft had lowered its revenue guidance for the full year, which wasn’t true. The stock dropped, and now Wall Street hates him. How could this happen? Answer: He’s stupid. And lazy. And he apparently gets his news from blogs, which everyone knows can’t be trusted.

The one bright spot in all this, of course, is that Borg shares got hammered, because all the dopes on Wall Street apparently believe whatever they see on CNBC. Just one problem with what Goldman reported — Microsoft hadn’t lowered guidance on revenue. They’d lowered guidance on their operating expenses. In other words, they reported good news. Not bad. Nevertheless, the stock went down. Yay Jim Goldman! Your free video Nano is in the mail.

Hilarious thing in the video (below) is that Goldman says Microsoft “lowering — lowering — its full-year revenue guidance to a range of $26.2 to $26.5 billion.” One big problem with that claim (other than the fact that it was not true) is that, um, Microsoft’s full year revenues are nowhere near $26 billion. They’re about $58 billion. You’d think Jim Goldman might have a rough idea of how much Microsoft does a year in revenues. I mean, they’re a pretty well-known tech company. But, um, no. So think about this: the Silicon Valley bureau chief of CNBC, an actual TV network that specializes in business news, does not know, even in ballpark figures, how big Microsoft is.

To be fair, it appears Goldman may have just been reporting something he read on a Wall Street Journal blog, which also misreported this statement. So who can blame him? I mean, he reads a blog, and he goes on air and reports it as fact. Isn’t that what they teach you at journalism school?

Now all the dickhead traders are mad at Goldman, and even though I hate the guys on Wall Street I have to admit that I understand their anger on this one. Hell, if it weren’t for the fact that Little Jim does such a thorough job of polishing my knob every time we release a new product, I’d be calling for his head too.