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Scoble declares Chrome OS the winner

…which is, um, hard to do since it’s not really out yet.  And won’t be for another year or so.  But he crowns it the champion ’cause he can, um, cook it in the kitchen.  Or cook in the kitchen with it.  Or something.  More right hereScoble Food


So Scoble calls


He’s like, I totally love my iPhone, and I’m a huge Mac enthusiast, plus I’m an entrepreneur, so I can give you loads of good advice about how to deal with small companies and also how to reach out to the apps developers and how to be more transparent and open and less secretive, except when you want to be secretive, which is also a good thing, in the right context. I mean seriously, Steve. I am just bursting with good ideas. What’s that? No? Okay. That’s okay too. Love you, man.


Advice from Scoble


Scoble just sent over a signed copy of his book, “Naked Conversations” (inscription: Dear Jerry Yang– hang in there!!! Robert) and included a handwritten note of advice which is so good that I am reproducing it in full here. I wish I could scan it and show you the actual note so you could see the loopy, childish scrawl. One bit of perspective: the “lunch meeting” that Robert refers to in his opening sentence? We ran into each other in a men’s room at CES in Vegas. I’m pretty sure he followed me in there, in fact. Our “meeting” lasted just long enough for me to take a leak while he stood at the urinal next to me, jabbering away. Then he trailed me to the sinks and my security guy, thank God, got in between us.

Anyway. Here’s the note.

Dear Jerry,

Thank you again for our brief but productive lunch meeting at CES last January. I was glad to have the chance to share with you some of my thoughts about media, marketing and the Internet, and I was glad that you found my perspective useful. I’m sure you’re busy and stressed out these days but I wanted to offer a little more advice, this time tailored specifically to your current situation. To help you get started I’ve enclosed a copy of my book, Naked Conversations, and I’ve highlighted the key parts and put marker tape on the pages that you should read immediately. Red tape is highest priority, blue tape is secondary, green is thirderary.

Jerry, as someone who has been to Davos and who has spent a good deal of time in the hot glare of the publicity spotlight I believe I can relate to what you’re going through right now. I know just how hot those lights can be, trust me. Very hot! Whic is really not good, especially if, like me, you’re the type who sweats a lot to begin with.

My advice to you, and look, take this or not, don’t feel like you have to do what I tell you or anything, but my advice is to be as open as possible. This is going to sound a little counterintuitive, but it’s my opinion that in a crisis type situation you need to get out in front of this thing. Tell your side of the story and get your version out there in EVERY way available. Remember that you don’t NEED the media! You ARE the media!

You’ve started blogging. That’s a GREAT start. You should be PODCASTING too. Have you considered that? I’d be happy to help you. I’ve got cameras, editing software, etc., and could be at your place in an hour. Also if you need help writing scripts or whatever. Though honestly I think you’re better off just doing what I do and saying whatever comes into your head, just speak the way you naturally do. Yes it’s disjointed and rambling and even incoherent but it rings true and comes across as honest and transparent when when it’s totally not.

Jerry, you need to get out there and win this PR war. The press is against you. Carl Icahn and the other activist shareholders are whipping up a frenzy. You need to answer that in kind with a tsunami of your own. Overwhelming force. In addition to your blogging and podcasting you should be putting up videos on Yahoo (and, I’m sorry, but you should be using YouTube too) plus hitting Facebook full-time and friending everyone you can. The MORE friends you have, the LESS likely you are to get fired. Remember high school? Same deal. Also, get on Twitter and start hitting that HEAVILY. Again if you need help setting up accounts or figuring any of this stuff out you can call me and I’ll come over and get you going. Tumblr is another one you should be using, plus FriendFeed where just this morning I’ve posted more than 3,000 items, along with Bluepulse which I think is the hottest social networking site right now and Kyte.tv which I believe will DOMINATE the cell phone video space.

Finally, just FYI, in addition to my work at Fast Company I have launched a communications consulting practice centered around social media, and would be glad to come aboard with you and your team during this period. I’d also be happy to discuss having Yahoo sponsor my show on FastCompanyTV alongside Seagate and SAP. Can’t promise positive press just because you pay us lots of money but come on. When you get to the end of this note, go back and read it again only this time examine the space between the lines. (Get it?)

I hope you don’t mind but I’ll be putting up a video this afternoon covering some of these same points in a kind of “open letter to Jerry” format which I’ll then Twitter and link on my blog and propagate on FriendFeed. Just trying to help! I’m a huge fan. Keep up the great work.

Robert


What’s wrong with Twitter? Scoble, of course.


See here. Apparently Scoble has thousands of followers on Twitter and whenever he posts something he overwhelms their servers. Scoble denies it. But wait. Back up a bit. Scoble has thousands of followers? Can this really be true? Excuse me but I have to go cry for a while.


Scoble desecrates his Mac

Check out this photo on Scoble’s flickr page. He’s got a perfectly nice MacBook Pro, covered in ugly stickers. I got so angry looking at this that I had to shut off my Mac and go sit down and do some non-thinking for a while.


The people have spoken: Scoble for Borg CEO


Well our poll about who should be the new Borg CEO has closed and much to our surprise King of All Bloggers Robert Scoble has emerged as the people’s favorite to replace Steve Ballmer. Scoble got 786 votes, or 39% of the total, compared to 534 for Gates and 507 for Ozzie. Much love to all who participated. And congratulations, Robert Scoble.


Scoble seeking to be acquired by Microsoft


In the wake of the Microhoo fiasco and amid reports that Monkey Boy is now hungry to buy something else, like Facebook, our spies in Redmond say former Borg ego-blogger Robert Scoble has reached out to Ballmer directly in a bid to sell his “personal brand” to Microsoft. Sources say Scoble is seeking a 10x multiple on his advertising revenues which analysts estimate at approximately zero dollars. Analysts say that price “somewhat overshoots” the value of the Scoble brand but people close to Scoble say that he’s learned from Jerry Yang’s mistake and would be willing to negotiate downward in order to make a deal happen. Sources say Scoble would perhaps pay Microsoft as much as $500,000 up front in order to get them to acquire his brand and re-attach him to the Borg. Michael Arrington of TechCrunch estimates a fair value on the deal would involve Scoble putting up a larger amount, perhaps $1 million, with a back-end revenue share arrangement. More as this develops.


Scoble accuses me of lying, but admits he has no proof


Forgive me but isn’t this stupid fuck one of the big-mouth bloggers who’s always quick to jump on people for running rumors without proof? You know — those holier-than-thou bloggers who are always jumping on the morons in the MSM and criticizing them for violating some sacred rule of journalism?

So imagine my surprise to see Scoble running an article where he says that a little bird told him that Flash runs fine on iPhone and I’m lying about why we don’t use it. That’s right. He accuses. Me. Of. Lying. See here. Money quote is his outrageously stupid first sentence: “I have not substantiated this with anyone at either Adobe or Apple, so might turn out to be totally false.”

Excuse me, I just choked on my mango smoothie. Especially because I seem to remember Scoble squealing like a pig when I ran a rumor about him leaving his job at Podtech. Even though that rumor, um, turned out to be true.


Scoble and Bono: BFF in Davos


Here’s video from Davos showing my dear ex-friend Bono gasbagging as usual while Robert Scoble gazes on in awe and points some kind of cell phone at him. One question: How the hell did Scoble get to Davos? Who sent him there? Second question: Is it not amazing that these two modest, humble, self-effacing fellows have finally found each other? Had to happen, didn’t it.

Meanwhile, check out this nauseating photo and story about Bono teaming up with Microsoft and Dell on this (RED) initiative. Lots of folks have been writing in to me about this. See, here’s the thing. Bono doesn’t like me anymore. Started during the options backdating thing, when I threw our former CFO, Fred Anderson, under a bus. Fred and Bono are pals; they’re also business partners. So Bono got all huffy and said I was a dick for screwing over Fred. I was like, Dude, it’s not personal, it’s business. Fred’s a big kid. He knows the drill. It’s his turn to take one for the team. Well, Bono is kind of a n00b when it comes to business. He thinks running a company is like being in a band or something. He starts going on about how the record label bugged U2 for years to get rid of their drummer, Larry, because, truth be told, he’s not that good a drummer, plus he’s kind of unattractive. But Bono said no, we’re keeping Larry. And he thinks this makes him some kind of hero. I was like Dude, you’re talking about some drummer in a rock band. I’m talking about billions of dollars in market cap. Bit of a difference here.

Oh well. Bono doesn’t get it. So now he’s pals with the Beastmaster. Fine. Let them be friends. See if I care. Sniff.


FSJ poll shows Scoble beating Clinton in New Hampshire



Results of our latest poll after the close: Robert “King of all Bloggers” Scoble takes second place with 470 votes versus 317 for Hillary Clinton. Oh, and Obama got 1853. Not good news for Mrs. Clinton, I’d say. Scoble reported to be in talks with Bob Shrum, recruiting campaign team via Facebook and trying to devise a strategy for South Carolina. Weighing a bid as a third-party candidate. I’m told he put out a really classy speech on Twitter last night. Video announcement of his decision to enter the campaign expected this morning. Much love, Scoble.