I’m kinda’ pissed off at Michael Arrington (don’t you just hear Mosspuppet in your head saying Michael Arrington’s name when you read it? Arrrrrington … It’s like a drunk Canadian pronunciation of a ring tone , but then again, I think Arrington’s mind is totally off the hook, and not in the good way, I mean someone knocked the receiver off the hook, and there ain’t nobody there) ‘cos he when he’s not making stuff up, like claiming this web site is going to be shutting down (he’s just pissed that, one, he doesn’t have a hit tv show on the horizon, and two, Hoggworks nor anybody else has made a parody puppet or a cardboard cut-out to parody his sad existence on planet Earth), he wastes time and space belittling other people’s April Fools pranks, especially Google’s. If someone asked me what has four legs, two long ears, went hee-haw and thought it could write a tech blog I’d say it was Michael Jackassington. He even looks annoying. It’s like this round pumpkinhead with a bad haircut on this blobby body with ill-fiting clothes. He could be the Rush Limbaugh of tech journalism, if knew how to write about technology. And he tries to come off so smug. Hello, my name is Michael Arrogant-Son-A-Bitch, what’s your problem? And this Crunchpad thing? He should count himself goddamn lucky three times over he didn’t have any money invested in this stupid flying carpet operation. It’s obviously a confidence scheme to steal credit card numbers. He honestly thought he could attach his name to this thing and make a small fortune. The idgit couldn’t assemble a Z-80 Heathkit, let alone create something as wunnerful and audacious as the iPad. So he’s an easy mark, delusional and just plain stupid. If I was going to do a parody of this mental patient, he’d be portrayed by a big stinking hairy pair of buttocks, that’s right we’re talking a live fleshy derriere, with a couple of pasted on googly eyeballs with hairy brows. And every time it talked, nothing but diarrhea would spew out. It’d be so disgusting, but it’d be the biggest hit on YouTube.
A fresh faced intern would read viewer questions about technology and then Michael Asscheeks would let loose with more diarrhea. It’d be gross and spectacular. It’d be so successful, Howard Stern would claim I ripped him off. Not that anybody is listening to satellite radio these days, are they?