I’ve been following with interest the current pickle being suffered by Iceland. If you think what’s happening in Greece is a goddamn shame (if you work for Goldman Sachs, you’re probably on a number of Greek intelligence hit squad lists as we speak), you should see the problem Iceland’s naive young class of know-it-all know-nothing investment bankers pulled, the country is so broke right now, the best deal offered them by the UK and Denmark was that every man, woman and child on the island has to surrender a quarter of their income for the next eight years to clear the books. That amounts to $5.3 billion dollars, which Bill Gates could blow out his ass without ever missing it, and is a drop in the bucket compared to the colossal debt the good ol’ USA managed to get into but probably won’t find itself in the same situation as Iceland because China owns our debt and it is their own best interests that the US Dollar doesn’t collapse either overnight nor slow leak like a worn out tire.
I feel bad for the poor Vikings, and in a way, I feel it’s probably our fault, after all, we did train the little villains who brought this calamity upon their little volcanic berg. So, I suggest Iceland do exactly what my former next door neighboring competitor did last November – call the banker, hand over the keys to the building, and call it a day.
That’s right, the Icelandic government should call their UK and Danish creditors to the table and declare, well, we’re broke, so we’re leaving the country and handing this piece of real estate over to you, ‘cos we’re outski, comrades. And then we, the good ol’ US of A, take in all 320,000 of these delightful but somber Vikings, and plant them in reservations in Montana, Alaska, and North Dakota. Hey, it’s only 320,000 people, that’s less than the New Orleans Diaspora. They speak English so damn well they’d assimilate better than rural Minnesotans transplanted to the suburbs of Houston and Dallas.
There’s an upside, too, we get to have Bjork here all the time, I’m sure she can make the transition to kooky sitcom actress or cable TV reality star. The UK and Denmark can then figure out how to make that Nordic geyser farm in the North Atlantic into a profitable tourist spot or even sell it to Larry Ellison, he could turn it into his own personal spa, fishing, boating and private lair. Gad, Google would buy it up in a minute and Squirrel Boy would move there immediately and turn into his own private fortress to rule the world – moo-ha-ha-ha-ha!