Find out more right here.

Courtesy of Neatorama, natch.

This article from CNET says a staggering amount of people out there are still clicking on spam to see what it is (Hint: if it’s in the spam folder, that’s likely to be what it is,) or worse yet, they want to respond to it (thus validating your email address.)

It’s the year 2010. Whoever is doing the clicking, you should know better.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Barrister Nigel Okumya from Nigeria needs my bank account number and routing number so he can transfer $1.25 million USD to my account from some government official who died in a plane crash and had no will, and mysteriously named me the recipient of all of his funds. I just have to send him a cashier’s check for $1,500 to cover expenses.

Seems fair.…..right?

Sort of.  CNBC money honey financial analyst Maria Bartiromo earned that nickname years ago. Then three years ago, she decided it’s better to make money on it than fight it. So she put a TM out on “Money Honey.” This report now says she’s dropped the whole thing. Who needs a lunchbox with your name on it, when you practically run CNBC?

all the newsprint that fits

How about, how much would you pay to read the Wall Street Journal on an iPad? For$17.99 a month, I better get access to all content, no paying extras for anything, I’m talking complete archive and limited or no advertising? What? There is going to be advertising. Fine. We’ll see how that goes down. No ad blockers on iPad, folks.

DT reports that Brightcove will be selling an HTML5 solution to content providers like the New York Times that they can use instead of Flash when the iPad is rolled out this weekend. Adobe’s only hope is that somebody makes a cool sexy alternative mobile slate device that’ll run Flash and be competitive with iPad (a gPad, perhaps? Eric, I know you’re reading this)

Remember this Rabid Fanboy post by Brinke? Turns out his source, mysteriously calling itself iAppleSecrets, was on the level. Apple confirmed iPads will be available at Best Buys and other places elsewhere April 3rd. This guy may just have shot his load for hopeful amount of Twitterfame and hasn’t anymore stuff. You need at least three good secrets in short order to be considered a leak torrent reliable insider source. So cough ‘em up, bro, something not even Goatberg knows, okay?

old photo from 1984 B.C. (Before Cialis)

current photo hidden, taken while subject squeezing one out on the can

Ever since this came out you may have read this by this turd fossil. Check out the idealized profile photo – taken in 1998 – or was that ’86? – let’s call it ’89, shall we? – listen, limp dick, before you start bringing up on-line videos from two months ago – an eternity in the tech media – in any media – let’s talk about the last time you looked anything close to that photo – which is not anything to brag about – sort of a broodmare Kelsey Grammer in his Cheers days, ya’ think? – now let’s lookatcha’ – d’oh! -my word, it’s Rush Limbaugh’s great uncle Percy – well, he looks he’s getting his Metamucil and Cialis regularly, doesn’t he? Let’s keep that snarkiness in check now, shall we Philip E-D, shall, we, hmmmm?

Word to the wise. Flip flopping is not a sign of wishy washiness, nor hypocrisy – it’s a sign of intelligence and survival, using reason over emotion – it’s called learning to adapt. Now go jump on that ice floe, gramps, and change your Depends, already, we get it, you take Metamucil!!!

Ever since the TV deal broke I’ve been holed up in a bungalow at Chateau Marmont with a team of writers trying to put together a first season of my fantastic show for premium cable, and I’ve just had no time to blog. I had no idea this writing for premium cable would be this much work. Jesus. I mean you look at what comes out on TV and you think, Well, no disrespect, but you guys probably didn’t work too hard on this, right? I mean like maybe you slapped it together one afternoon and then brought in some bad actors and shot it in an hour or something. But no. These fucktards spend months on this shit! And the meetings! Endless fucking meetings! So everyone can share their little ideas on what’s working and what’s not. Good grief. If we ran Apple this way we’d be, well, Microsoft.

No, people. No. This cannot go on. El Jobso does not create by committee. If you want El Jobso, then you must let El Jobso do what he does. You must respect my process. I make my coffee strong. Some people, many people, cannot handle my potent beverage. But it is what I do. If you want some weak, watered down brew, well, you can make it yourself.

On the plus side, Lindsay Lohan has been staying here, and the other day I saw this. Fucking slaptastic. You know what? I am totally going to tap that. I know that is not such a great achievement anymore, not like it would have been a few years ago when she was still cute — like in the “Mean Girls” era. Nevertheless, I am going there. Yes, I am. I already said hi to her once, when we were passing each other in a hallway, and she was like, Hey, you’re, like, that guy, right?

Oh yes, my wasted, fire-crotched, freckled little flower. I am that guy. And you will be mine.

That’s what was going on in the photo above, which spread all over the Internet last week. We weren’t trying to patch things up, as some people suggested. What happened was that Eric’s guys were monitoring my private email and happened to catch an attachment that had some script ideas and a list of characters, including a guy called Dr. Strangelove. Eric is like, You cannot be serious. And I’m like, Why not? He says, You’ve got this character, Dr. Strangelove, who runs an Internet company, and he’s getting golden showers from some coke addict girlfriend, wearing nipple rings under his dorky ill-fitting clothes, and getting gangbanged by bikers at Burning Man. I’m like, Yeah? He goes, You don’t think that’s going too far? And besides that, What’s my motivation in the gangbang scene?

I’ll leave aside the fact that he got all this stuff by reading my private correspondence, because, well, it’s Eric. Okay? You just accept it, and if you hang out with Google guys you know that they don’t even pretend not to be invading your stuff all the time. So I’m like, Eric, dude, first of all, the character isn’t you. Okay? I mean I know you think the world revolves around you, but the show is fiction. These are made-up characters.

He goes, But I don’t see why you want to make a TV show anyway. What’s the point? You just want to have a chance to make fun of people you don’t like? I’m like, Yeah, that’s about it. Plus, I want to put a dent in the universe, and you know the old saying from Michelangelo: Ars longa, vita brevis. He goes, Dude, it’s a fucking cable TV show. And I’m like, Correction, my friend. It’s premium cable. There’s a difference.

Anyway, by then a crowd was forming and I had to split because if I get too close to the normals I get hives. Seriously bad stuff.

Also, Eric, FWIW, if you think the character based on you is bad, you should see what we’re doing to Scoble. Just saying.