Still holed up at Chateau Marmont and trying to get the scripts done. Saw La Lohan earlier today and she appeared to have sobered up. Also have been seeing Denise Richards lurking around the place. Larry is coming down to Malibu tonight and wants me to come over. I said sure, why not, I need a break. We’ve been pulling 18-hour stretches, meeting every few hours around a big table and then going back to our little rooms or out by the pool or wherever feels good. It feels a bit like the days when we were working on the Mac. Bunch of pirates trying to change the world. Though I swear if Michael Richards doesn’t stop coming around telling us we should write a role for him, I’m going to call security. Just saying.

The university has canceled plans to move everyone onto Gmail and other Google Apps, after computer science professors warned them (a) Google can’t keep its own stuff secure, let alone yours, as the recent shitstorm with the Chinese demonstrated; and (b) Google is evil. Bite a dick, Eric. And by the way, the Gizmodo guys hired a body language expert who says you’re scared shitless of me. Which you should be, because I’m a third-degree black belt in tai chi and if I wanted to I could karate chop through your ribs and tear your heart out of your chest cavity and eat it while you watched. And have I mentioned my nanoengineered liver?

Sleep with one eye open, you big pussy.

A fellow by the name of Will Collier ordered a computer part from Amazon.  The part didn’t show.  So he called Amazon up and was told..his part had been eaten by an alligator.  That is a new one.  (PS- “Fake Steve Jobs” is a part of Will’s blog roll.  As it should be Will, as it should be.)

Seriously, watch this crazy lady Kate Gosselin drive her dancing teacher nuts with her bad attitude. To all of you people who keep asking me why our management team is an estrogen-free zone? This is why. They. Just. Won’t. Listen.

Woz, Woz,Woz, what a wonderful whiz that iz Woz. Will you spot him this weekened, when he buys his three iPads? Well, we’re killing the Snip The Ponytail Off contest due to lack of interest.

I wish you'd tell my family that silly contest is over, they're still trying to cut "my personality" off. My life ... it's just hell. Hell! Thanks to you!! Damn!!!!

We’re betting a lot of you will be waiting in line at your local Apple Store (or gosh forbid, Best Buy) lining up to buy an iPad. Well, if you’re lucky, Woz will be there, too. Imagine if you spot him and capture him “being  Woz” on either your mobile phone, or Flip camera or even your Dad’s old Super 8 mm movie camera. If you do, take that video of your sighting, post that video online and send link to us with proof that is your video at firstrabidfanboy@gmail.com. This isn’t a race for who posts first, btw. We’re looking for the best video of Woz, either waiting in line, talking to fans in the queue, purchasing his iPads in the store, or jumping to the head of the line, or Woz just being Woz, just as long as its interesting and has got Woz in it. First prize is still that signed Open Solaris disc from Sun Microsystems (this is NOT a download onto a DVD-R, this is the real deal, folks). Runner up prizes will be signed copies of my South Park icon. Woz, Brinke, El Jobso – you are all eligible to enter – and I’m still magnaminous. The contest closes at 11:59:59 pm April 4th 2010.  Good luck and good hunting folks! Winners will be announced later in the week, after I’ve eaten all the Cadbury eggs I can eat without throwing up – I’m gluttonous that way!

Because it’s in Flash. So enjoy it now while you can, before Operation Take Away Your Freedom Because Dear Leader Has Some Petty Personal Issues With Adobe begins.

Get your liberal pinko commie sap anger on at Ted Rall

He’s not just a cartoonist - he writes editorials and columns, too.

We do like to bash on Ballmer and the boys (and girls) from Redmond, but the state of Washington can’t help but lay on the lovin’ for Microsoft. All those jobs. All that revenue. All them endowments. And hospitals. And university wings and buildings. And scholarships. If Ballmer ever announced Microsoft was up and moving its entire campus to, say, oh, I dunno, Arizona, rest assured, every elected Washingtonian official would be down on their knees before the Great Behemoth, begging, blubbering, slobbering, offering sacrifices of their first born, offering their spouses as indentured labor, even extending tax breaks for another thirty five years.

As a way to show their appreciation for what Microsoft has done and wrought upon the Washingtonian economy, there is a movement afloat to change the name of the state, not for one day, or a week or a month or even a year but permanently to Gatesylvania, after Bill Gates. I like it. It makes sense. I mean, George Washington wasn’t even alive by the time any Americans ever reached the Cascades, you know. And hell, at least the guy the state will be renamed after actually lives there. The guy Pennsylvania was named after never even stepped foot in America.  And it’s a lot less confusing when you tell people you’re from Gatesylvania than Washington. Hell, if you tell a contemporary rifle-totin’ tea-bagger you’re from Washington, before you get time to ‘splain Olympia, Mount St. Helens, Seattle or Starbucks Coffee – B L A M ! -  one red dot, then you’re shot on the spot. You tell someone you’re a Gatesylvanian – the first thing they ask you is if you’re work for Microsoft and are they hiring? One day, when they rename the future state of Northern California either as Googletopia or the Great Realm of Jobs, former Washingtonians will be proud and satisfied to be Gatesylvanians.

Well, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Andrew Nusca just wrote about the very obvious for the umpteenth time.

Palm investor trying win back his losses

Ever notice that a lot of poker players playin’ Texas Hold’Em wear dark sunglasses? There a lot of ways to ascertain what your opponent is doing: a little reverse psychology, unnerving your opponent, detecting microcosms in the throat, etc. And sometimes your opponent can’t play for shit to save his life savings – that’s a dead giveaway,too.

While IE8, Firefox and even Safari fell down before hackers within a few keystrokes, Chrome is the one browser that stands up to the smug SOBs that haunt that crackerhat festival. Android stood as solid as the Black Monolith, causing one writer to comment:

That seems fairly impressive, since the iPhone was hacked in just 20 seconds according to Ryan Naraine.

Nothing is invulnerable, so don’t start patting yourselves on the back, yet, Google. Rest assured, you do have a secure solid browser compared to some of the veterans in field.