As a public service I’m here to remind everyone that Larry Ellison, the founder and very public face of Oracle did not die last night and is not 74 years old.
Some other guy in Ocala, Florida with the same name cacked out last night. And he looked nothing like our Larry but he was a decent chap nonetheless, even if he did dabble in real estate.
Our Larry recently bought out the Indian Wells tournament, to keep it from migrating to China or Dubai. The locals, including Dilbert mogul Scott Adams, are thrilled. I expect our Larry to be around for quite a good while. Besides sports franchises,
he’s considering investing in and saving animal sanctuaries abroad to widen his palette, as boning human beings is getting too damn regular and monotonous – Larry likes a challenge to keep his spirits up and his interest alive.