I can pull off a nose ring, a cock ring and nipple clamps, you freakin' strike-out kings, so eat shit and die!

I'm a cool whip MILF with time to kill and no dignity, so respect the va-jazzle!

For those who haven’t heard of this new thing the feminaniacs are doin’ for themselves, Jen-Lo-Hewitt buzzed the world about her new vajazzling experience, which when I first heard, I thought was something like a bidet experience. Apparently that’s not the case, but I’m not that much into water sports, anyway. What it is, the feminaniac goes to this place where they wax the pubes off the vag, right, wait for it, then glue little fake jewels, where the pubes used to be and – voila – va-jazzled! You know there’s some guys that are going to try this themselves, seriously, I mean, c’mon, not My Little Pony, whoof, I may have gagged a little in the mouth, ‘scuse me there, gulp, I ‘m talkin’ some guy firmly in touch with his manhood, you know, I’m talkin’ Larry, you betcha’ I am. He could pull this off. And it wouldn’t be on just his pubes. He’d go for the full body, he’d glint, he’d have tiny bits embedded in his beard and ear and nostril hair. A glinty bejewelled Larry Ellison would dominate and awe-inspire just about everyone everywhere. And then that douchebag Marc Benioff would try to ape Larry

Heil Massengill!

and it would be the anti-awesome, it would be total douche failure. Benioff would look like some retard Maori who wouldn’t suck it up and get the tatoo and look like Elton John instead. We’d all point and laugh. By that time, I think Larry would be into total war paint – cos he’s Larry Ellison, but we’ll save that for another post.

They’re not doin’ this in Dallas, so I am pissed as a coyote who backed his tail into a patch of prickly pears and sticker weed. But if you hear about this in your area, don’t dally, get it, you’ll have the best internet experience of your life, everything will load up faster than a television signal on cable. It’ll bring tears to your eyes. And if you’e got an iPad … well …

A five part series at Slate.com about how social networking enabled the capture of Saddam Hussein and why it hasn’t helped us capture Osama bin-Laden (but it has helped us capture other al-Qaida higher ups).

For two weeks I thought half of Al-Qaida was squirreled away in my guts. Turned out it was that complimentary Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast from a couple of weeks ago. Believe me, I paid for that breakfast, almost with my life. It’s not Denny’s fault,lest the lawyers get hackled, it was adhesions, so stand down, ye pinstriped assholes with nothing better to do. I’ll still eat your food. Look, I’ve got the coupon book you gave out that day.

Print this out, frame it and stick it on your wall in your home, in your office, spam it to all your friends and neighbors and e-mail and Facebook and Tweetybirds and other social network buds.

More Hogarth humor at Doonesbury@Slate – Daly Dose

Yeah, I’ve been near death, again, folks,

This was my problem, a bowel obstruction from adhesions from previous surgeries

and that’s not exaggerating, and I have no health insurance because I’m unable to afford any, thanks to this economy and all and the small minded people who have free quality health care for life (congresspeople and senators) who vote against the rest of us having the same, so I’m real pissed right now at every fucking government official, even Obama, who’s going to pass some half assed thing that’ll get destroyed by the Republicans the first chance they get, and no public option.  What the fuck is wrong with the German model, fer crissakes? They are not fucking socialists, they are more capitalistic than we will ever be and their system has been around and in place for over a hundred and thirty years and has outlived two world wars, including Hitler, for crying out loud,  and the cold war, and their economy is better than ours will ever be, they’re bailing out the Greeks, we’re not. As I see it, Goldman Sachs are the pricks who almost tanked one of our own friggin’ allies in Europe for personal fucking gain.  I hope those assholes responsible get kidnapped by the EYP, and tied to a piece of ancient Greek marble and thrown to the bottom of Aegean with rest of the ancient shipwrecks. If I was Geithner, right now I’d be watching my ass very closely, ‘cos these Eastern Mediterranean types are one of the most long memoried vengeful bastards on the planet. No Secret Service, no Pinkerton, not even Moshe can save you from these bastards.

I don't see anything but a girl in pigtails feeding a puppy while spillin' her ice cream cone .. awww , that's cute! You guys kill 'im, yet?

In fact, Moshe would probably step out of the way and let the chips fall where they may.

Pin trading is a huge deal at each Olympics. The Apple Store at Pacific Centre in Vancouver was giving these away as a bonus, and the Apple Store at Oakridge Centre had a special Nano pin.  Didn’t make it to the Games? Oh, there’s a lot of ‘em here.

I’ve had this couch for more than a decade and it’s in pretty bad shape, but the underlying bones are good. It’s 7 foot, midtone blue, fabric, solid wood frame. The frame is showing through on the arms, and the seating pillows (foam) are in major need of reupholstering/covering. My cat loved to throw up on it, so it smells despite my best efforts. It’s ok to sit on, if covered (i have a cover i can give you). Great for artists who might want to repurpose it, or folks who can steam clean the couch. If you want to save it from the dump, it’s all yours. However, you need to claim it tomorrow, sunday, and to be able to cart it off yourself. I’m located in the southside of berkeley, up one flight of stairs.

Hawaii “dodged a bullet” when the Chile quake-created tsunami didn’t materialize, but Japan is bracing for a possible impact.

Gizmodo has an idea. The year 2014 should bring us the iMat, for example.