Bezos is going nuts

I’m beginning to think that the miracle of Jobs was invented not for the benefit of mankind but just to push Jeff Bezos’ buttons. Look what has happened in the days before, during and after the iPad has been introduced. This guy thought he could steal Apple’s idea for controlling music and movies and apply it to books and not get noticed by Jobs. He should have taken an especially big dump in his pants the second Jobs said

“It doesn’t matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don’t read anymore. 40% percent of the people in the U.S. read one book or less last year. The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don’t read anymore.”

That was code for

I know what you did and where you got the idea you sneaky smug balding smiling piece of crap, thanks for not acknowledging where you lifted the idea, thanks for not consulting with me first and thanks for allowing me to entirely focus on putting your entire empire into a tailspin now.

Now that Bezos’ little monopoly is about to come to an end, he’s doing everything he can to try and compete with a device that isn’t even in the stores yet, and probably won’t be in stores until August.

  1. He sucks at negotiating and now the publishers know this.
  2. He’s re-written the royalty agreements in their favor now.
  3. He’s introduced an app store to interest developers who were originally locked out.
  4. When Macmillan demands a similar deal they got with Apple, Jeff tries to play hardball, but backs down like a schoolgirl. Such a wimp!
  5. Acquiring Touchco and immediately transferring it to the Kindle
  6. Poaching Microsoft employees.

Can you feel me now?

BTW, has anyone noticed that Bezos is even sweatier and balder than ever? I wouldn’t be surprised if the iPad has affected his performance in the sack. See, one trick Larry and Jobso know is how to induce female orgasms without even touching a woman. It’s all rather mysterious and fascinating to watch this play out.

May I be excused?

Andrea Jung doesn’t realize this, but after Jobso got his composure back after initial dealings with her, he just subtly applied the technique on her at the board meetings and now she is like a little schoolgirl around him. He did that so he doesn’t have to walk around Apple in fear anymore. But when Jobso does the technique, it really is more of an academic exercise. Larry turned it into a one man Olympic event. Three years ago, Larry attended a dress rehearsal for  the Miss Universe pageant and twenty-six women in five minutes simultaneously hit the floor groaning and writhing around like a Brunei harem full of Eurotards in heat. Trump was so impressed and annoyed his toupee kept twirling around like a pinwheel.

Down, Trigger!

Or maybe that thing is made out of female pubic hair and was responding to Larry’s powers. If that’s true, I’d like to see Larry appear on an episode of The Apprentice and start applying the technique to Trump’s rug while he tries to dress down an applicant in the boardroom. Can you imagine that? Trump’s tribble moving around twitching, twirling, practically dancing on his head in front of all these suit-tards who will start falling under the table from hysterics. Trump would hafta’ fire himself or take the show off the air.

But we’re getting off point here. The main thing is , Jeff Bezos is beginning to act like a guy who can’t get it up anymore. You know what I mean. They panic, sweat, snap like an insane barracuda at a minnow party, burst out laughing like an uncontrollable fucktard, tearing up for no apparent reason. It’s like somebody swapped the testosterone in Bezos’ body for estrogen. If that’s true, Larry ought to pay Jeff a visit and try his Jedi mind trick on Jeff, tape it on that li’l spy cam he carries around, then put it on YouTube. Anything for a laugh.