The site itself, however, has to do with cancer research.  A worthy goal to be sure, but most likely you’d like to be here.

Pogue: “Like the iPhone, the iPad is really a vessel, a tool, a 1.5-pound sack of potential. It may become many things. It may change an industry or two, or it may not. It may introduce a new category — something between phone and laptop — or it may not. And anyone who claims to know what will happen will wind up looking like a fool.”

Mosspuppet: “I was right about everything!”

Nicholas Deleon, CrunchGear: “I simply don’t get it. It’s not an iPhone replacement because it’s not a phone (duh); it’s not an iPod touch replacement because it’s not portable; and I already have enough “real” computers that I don’t need a tablet. I understand I’m not Mr. Average Consumer, but the iPad seems to fill a void that I simply don’t need filled. Maybe as an e-reader, but that entirely depends upon the book selection, which isn’t clear right now. For now, though: meh.”

Gizmodo’s Adam Frucci has positively guaranteed he will never get an interview or demo product from Cupertino…ever. Adam, there is such a thing as the black list, and your name is at the top.  With a gold star. Namaste.

courtesy of ZDNet

Go to Apple store now. Watch the video. Enjoy. Namaste.

Question.

Why the fuck AT&T still?

Answer:

Because in eighteen months the 4G model which will run on Verizon’s network will be officially ready. They’re still testing the new spectrum out.

Question: why iPad and not iSlate?

Answer: cos that’s how Apple rolls. I still think iPad sounds like something a woman shoves between her legs, but then again, I didn’t care for the name MacMini either, I thought it was a nom de plume of Verne Troyer.

Question: where’s the seamless link the way it hooks up with Apple TV?

Answer: Check back in eighteen months. The prototype has more features than the one they’re kicking out the door, IF that is the one that’s ready,  can’t wait for Mark III version already!

Question: I wanna buy the goddamn miracle of Jobs now! Where do I go? What do I do?

Answer: Go here, people. You will be notified. Developers, you sign up here. Now!

It’s showtime, baby. Game on. Dear Leader is providing live blogging coverage here. 

Read all about it here.  The 10 ways the new Apple tablet will change your life forever. SFO, we are now on final approach.

Refresh your browser for updates. Namaste.

Mossberg back up, and blabbing away again. Is it wrong that I wish he’d stayed down?

8:51– fucking Sinbad is backstage. Sinbad?!?! He’s like, hey I’m a huge fan. I’m like, I wish I could say the same, but come on, you’re fucking *Sinbad*.

8:57– John Mayer = officially a pain in my ass.

9:40– it’s official. Phil just peed his pants.

9:41– mr tambourine man plays. God I love Dylan.

9:42– even though the fucker won’t take my calls

9:44–I just glimpsed out from curtain. If you are in the audience, know this — I despise you

9:46– woz just arrived. He’s high.

9:48–phil is wearing depends but you can’t tell at all.

9:53–has anyone figured out the significance of all the dylan we’re playing? i didn’t think so. but all will become clear very soon.

9:55–not sure why, but Pogue is not here. Markoff and Brad Stone instead. Not saying I’m disappointed, but, you know.

9:56–i feel like david blaine. what’s in that big black box on stage, people? any guesses?

9:58–yes, people, that is AL GORE in the front row.

10:00–”Like a Rolling Stone” draws to a close, lights dim, and yes, we are about to begin. pull up your socks and grab your cocks.

10:02–standing O from my employees.

10:03– katie just before i went onstage: “rock out with your cock out, dear leader.”

10:04–pretty basic NLP keyword hypnosis so far, do you feel yourself being lulled and going under?

10:10–behold, bitches.

10:14–touch screen–who’d a thunk it? just click on a story with your finger and you can read a story from ny times. they said this couldn’t be done.

10:16– if i keep talking about how fast it is, maybe people won’t notice how slow it is. see how i do that? i say i’m “zipping around” and you don’t notice that it takes 4 seconds to load a graphics heavy page.

10:18– something is wrong. why are the hacks not sighing and gasping and cheering?

10:19–seriously, people are not gasping and freaking out like normal.

10:21– ran a slideshow of photos with some Django soundtrack music. finally, people clapped. a little.

10:22–music demo, playing “Friend of the Devil,” and now Dylan. Just in case you forgot that we’re the counterculture company. Somewhere Jerry Garcia is rolling over in his grave. Now some John Mayer, and Jerry definitely upset.

10:24–calendar, contacts, maps … i just looked over and mossberg is sleeping.

10:25–youtube demo, dog surfing, and if you dicks won’t clap and cheer for a dog on a surfboard, then i fucking give up.

10:30– 10 hours of battery life. that’s right. 10 hours. can fly from sf to tokyo and watch movies the whole way.

10:32– forstall on stage, i’m backstage getting oxygen.

10:34– this videogame demo is amazing. why aren’t people freaking out?

10:47–every one of these guest demo people is worse than the one before. who the fuck set this up? we are LOSING THEM out there.

10:50–Guy from MLB.COM– lame! Aaaaargh. I am going to start throwing bottles of water at people.

10:51–and wow you can watch baseball on it. it’s just like watching on your TV, only smaller. amazing. it’s called “paving the cowpath.” have you heard of it?

10:53–here comes the One More Thing, baby. iBooks. Blows Kindle away.

10:56– just like Kindle, only more expensive. and you know you want it. and yes i did once say that e-readers were pointless because nobody reads books anymore. and now i’m making one. does this make sense? absolutely.

11:01–phil showing iWork. now, yes, I did say that there was no point in doing a new device unless it could do things better than a smartphone and a macbook. and yes, um, there’s no way anyone will ever believe that a tablet is a better device for doing a spreadsheet or word processor. or any desktop app. but as long as we just keep saying that this is the case, maybe people will believe us.

and i know what you’re thinking– we came up with a new device and all we could think to do with it is run the apps that run on your iphone, and have a clone of Kindle, and now run iWork apps? um, yes. that’s all we could come up with.

11:04– good lord, did i really say this is the most important thing i’ve ever done in my life?

11:05– katie dispatched to get the apple plants in the audience to start clapping and whooping when phil hits his applause cues.

Wired re-reports them here. Oh, and the doofus from McGraw-Hill blabbed about it yesterday. Goddamn we have been leaky on this one. We’re doing a total M&M on this first thing tomorrow, with Moshe’s people and everyone involved in the project. We can and must do better than this, people.