Just kidding. That extremely scary looking woman is named YaVaughnie Wilkins and she is apparently the ex-girlfriend of Oracle prez Chuck Phillips. Someone (it seems to be the lady herself) wants the whole world to know about this and is doing a number on poor Chuck these days. They’re putting up billboards in New York and a few other cities to advertise this horrible and embarrassing Web site filled with personal photos of Chuck and YaVaughnie (above). This is bad not only because the woman is named YaVaughnie, and not only because she looks like Chuck Berry with fake boobs and a frizzy wig — but because Chuck Phillips is married. To someone else.
Also on the site are a few very bad videos where YaVaughnie tries to be an actress and fails spectacularly; plus soundtrack songs that may (unfortunately) feature the fabulous voices of Chuck and YaVaughnie doing karaoke, including an unforgettable version of Brick House; and some very bad articles penned by YaVaughnie.
Larry’s guess is that YaVaughnie herself is doing this, maybe as a way to get revenge on Chuck for breaking up with her. Larry is loving this mostly because Chuck is one of those guys who used to be in the Marines and never fails to mention it. Larry refers to him as “the Boy Scout,” or sometimes as “Urkel.” And now Chuck has been caught with his pants down and Larry just thinks this is fabulous, because Chuck always rolls his eyes when Larry talks about whatever woman he’s banging lately and acts like Larry is like the world’s biggest scumbag. Also, as Larry points out, YaVaughnie? What the fuck kind of name is that? And what kind of amateur hooks up with a chick like this? Seriously. It’s like the Tiger Woods thing. You get to a certain level in the game, you don’t bang cocktail waitresses and loonies who will take out billboards when you dump them. You bump it up a level and bang women who know how to keep their mouths shut. Chuck Phillips is the president of a huge software company, he’s rich as hell, and this is what he’s tapping on the side? Egads. Larry says he wouldn’t do her with Woz’s dick.