Look, I voted for the guy. I supported him. I agree with a lot of what he’s done in office. Except Afghanistan, and bailing out the car guys and the investment banks, and being a pussy on health care and climate change and Gitmo, and being a complete two-faced bastard on gays in the military. But otherwise, he’s great. Thing is, my feelings really don’t have anything to do with Barry. It’s just — well, every year I sit around waiting for the phone call, and then someone else gets the prize. And it’s not like I have some big ego, because God knows I’m probably the most humble person in the world, at least in proportion to the amount of stuff I’ve accomplished. I’ve been working really, really hard for a really long time. Like my whole life. And I tend to believe that what I’ve done has made the world a better and more peaceful place.
Maybe you’re thinking, wait a minute, El Jobso — how do computers and iPods and iPhones create peace? All I can say is that if you’re thinking that then you must be stupid, because it’s pretty obvious how they do that. Plus, look at some of the people the Danes have chosen to honor in the past. For example, Al Gore. I like Al, but excuse me, all he did was he wrote a book and he made a movie — about the fucking weather. Not saying what Al is doing isn’t interesting, but come on. Also, ask yourself, how did he write that book? I’ll tell you how. He wrote it on a Mac — a Mac that I gave him. How did he make the slides for his speeches? On that same Mac.
Yet he’s got a Nobel, and the biggest thing I’ve been awarded in the past few years was “best product” monkey statue from TechCrunch.
As for Barry, the guy doesn’t even pretend he deserves the peace prize. Hell, he’s there getting it today right after announcing that he’s sending more troops to Afghanistan.
Well, whatever. For whatever reason, they don’t want to give it to me. Katie says just let it go, don’t let it eat at me. She’s right. I’m working on it.