Coin-operated Borgocrat goes to Google, acquires whole new set of opinions

Friends, meet Don Dodge. He used to work the Borg, where his job was to reach out to third-party developers and encourage them to write programs for all those wonderful world-class Borg platforms. Well, the Borg laid him off, and in about an hour and half he got snapped up by Google, and now — guess what? — all of a sudden he thinks Borg products are total shit and everything Google does is the best.

This anyway is the gist of a cheery “Fuck you, Microsoft” post that he just put up on his personal blog.

Apparently Don tried out these Google apps with a fresh set of eyes and he can’t believe how good they are! Google Docs, Gmail, Chrome, Android — these products rock! Office? Totally lame and out of date, total shit compared to Google Docs. Outlook? Hey, the nineties just called, and they want their email back. Internet Explorer? Slow and lame. Windows Mobile? Now that Don is free he can tell you the truth– it’s awful, and he hated every minute of using it!

Just because we’re dicks, we thought it would be fun to look at what Don thought of Google before the Borg gave him the boot. Some highlights:

Microsoft is awesome: Microsoft is a great company to work for…always putting employees first. Microsoft has the best health insurance program in the world. Employees pay nothing…no employee contribution, no co-pays, no deductibles. It is awesome.

Google v. Microsoft: My guess is that Google will not compete head to head with Microsoft. That would be foolish, and is entirely unnecessary. I think Google and Microsoft will, for the most part, stay with the terrain where they are strong, and only occasionally venture off into the others turf.

Google Docs sucks: Google knows that on a feature comparison basis there is no contest. … Microsoft Office wins.

Why Google won’t disrupt Microsoft: It is important to remember that Microsoft has played the role of “Disruptor” in the past, and learned a lot along the way. … Microsoft is a great company … so is Google. Both will be successful in their own way … and the customer wins either way. That is the American way!

Google Apps sucks. Google Apps is missing some fundamental features. … Gmail is a reasonable alternative to Hotmail or Yahoo Mail, but it doesn’t compare to Microsoft Outlook. Even Microsoft’s online version of Outlook called Outlook Web Access is far better than Gmail. … Office Excel, Word, and Powerpoint are world class. I have tried using Google Docs and Spreadsheets and it is a frustrating experience. Obvious features that you have come to expect just aren’t there.

Windows Live Hotmail rocks: Market share for consumer email is very hard to win, and once won doesn’t tend to move. People hate to change their email address because all their friends and business relationships are tied to that address. … People might try to new email service but they won’t kill their existing one. With 280 million users and growing, and great market share, Windows Live Hotmail will be around for a very long time.

There’s lots more, but who has time? I sent a copy of this to Katie with a note asking how we missed out on this guy, because he’s exactly the kind of coin-operated true believer we need around here.

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