For the love of God can someone please fix the friggin problems in Snow Leopard?

You have no idea what it’s like around here right now. Every day it’s something new. Now they say it’s eating people’s data. Jesus! I take six months off to get a new liver, and the whole place goes to shit.


Honestly, you should see my inbox. I’m getting bombarded with messages from people who really think that I personally can do something about their non-operative Macs. People, do me a favor. There’s a number you can call for this. It’s called tech support. Have you heard of it? Or go to the store. That’s why we have them. Make an appointment with a genius. But please, for the love of all things holy, don’t keep writing to me. Okay?

The latest news is that Snow Leopard is eating people’s data. Something about a mix-up with guest accounts, and when you log in you lose your home folder. According to this article on CNET it’s not even our fault, it’s your fault, because you did something wrong when you upgraded, but anyway it’s fixable. Or maybe not. Depends. I think. Look, I’m not a tech support person. Okay?

Truth is, I don’t know any more about these goddamn machines than you do. All I do is make them look cool. The other stuff, all that code and shit? That’s done by others. Others who, in a few short minutes, are about to feel my teeth in their butts. Not literally. I’ll have Katie bite them for me. But you get the idea.

As soon as that’s done we have a meeting with our PR staff to work on the script they can use if reporters start calling. Right now we’re liking some version of this:

Apple always listens to customers, and we are committed to producing the best products possible. Thank you.

In response to follow-up question:

Apple always listens to customers, and we are committed to producing the best products possible. Thank you.

Repeat as necessary, and after six times, hang up.