It used to be a business magazine for kooky right-wing Ayn Rand fans, written by rich kids whose parents wanted them to play at having a job after they got out of Yale. Now they’re some kind of developmentally disabled version of US Weekly, and they’re writing about Woz and Segway polo — but without making fun of it.
I only know this because Woz just emailed me a link to an article on Forbes.com about his goofy ass Segway polo league. I opened it, cringing, as I always do when opening any link that Woz sends me. But this was even more awful than the usual stuff. I mean, I love Woz (not really) but even I can’t talk about Segway polo without making fun of it. Who can? It’s a bunch of fat dudes dressed in polo outfits on Segways, chasing a ball with sticks — at a top speed of about 2 miles per hour. You could run faster than these Segways go. Larry shows up at their matches with an air pistol and shoots pellets at the players as they crawl past the sideline. Marc Benioff films the attacks, and then they go home and make highlight reels of dorks shrieking as they get zipped in the neck.
Honestly, Forbes, what happened? The shift to the Internet has made you all crazy, no? First came the Best Topless Beaches slideshow. Then came Hollywood’s Hottest Tots and Hollywood’s Most Powerful Vampires.
Now you’re writing about Woz and pretending to take him seriously. WTF? To add just an extra special dollop of crazy to the Segway polo article, it turns out it was written by former child actor Zack O’Malley (“Lorenzo’s Oil”) Greenburg. Woz says he’s a really nice kid, and didn’t even complain when Larry shot him in the ear. Anything to get that scoop, kid!