This one is just wrong.

Spotted today on the Yahoo home page. Nice work, Yahoo. Very nice.

Philip Elmer-DeWitt dares to ask: Did Jobso maybe fudge a bit when David Pogue of the New York Times asked him why Apple didn’t put a camera in the iPod Touch? Apparently nobody is buying my line about making the iPod Touch a game machine, and leaving out the camera to keep the price low. We thought it sounded plausible. But some random blogger doesn’t buy it, and says it’s a “tough sell,” because his super-duper sources tell him we were planning to put a camera into the iPod Touch but it wasn’t working right so at the last minute we scrapped it. Good grief. Now we’ll have all sorts of speculation about this. Will the madness never end? Can’t you frigtards just write down whatever I say, and accept it as the complete and total truth? Is that really so difficult?

That’s the title of another lame-ass book that’s coming out later this month. Who in the world thinks this shit up? Do you really need to wade through an entire book to figure out what goes on in the empty skulls of these two morons? I mean, look at these guys. The lights are on and no one’s home, right? Okay. Let me give you the quickie version. Here’s what goes on inside Larry’s brain. And here’s what goes on inside Sergey’s. Now you can skip the book.

The dirtbags at McGraw-Hill are using my likeness to sell some lame-ass new book about how to do “insanely great” presentations just like mine. Jon Rubinstein and Mark Zuckerberg have already placed advance orders on Amazon, we’re told. Problem is, the book’s entire premise is frigtarded. I mean think about it. You, my friends, are not me. No book is going to change that. But go ahead and waste twenty bucks if you think it will make you feel better.

You just knew he’d love it, didn’t you? As for all those little bitches grumbling about the fact that maybe we didn’t have much to show after a year of development, Pogue writes: “I tell you man, it’s all about your expectations.” For his part, David was dazzled and blown away. Even now, days later, he is wandering in a cloud of childlike wonder.

(Photo by Art Director Jason. Much love.)

And yes, it’s actually called, “Things John Gruber Is Wrong About.” Launched last month.

In honor of our good friend John Gruber of Daring Fireball, whose incorrect predictions about Apple product events have become something we all depend on, Iulia and Natasha have coined a new verb:

gruber

verb, intransitive

1. to make incorrect predictions with great confidence: Dude, you really grubered that one, didn’t you?

2. to swing and miss; to strike out: I like Manny Ramirez, but he grubers so much.

DERIVATIVES:

grubered [past tense], grubering [present participle].

noun

1. one who errs, but does not repent: Sir, you promised there would be an iPod Touch with a camera, and you’re not even sorry — what a gruber!

2. an asshat who blames others for his mistakes; a dicknose: Buddy, you are such a gruber.

DERIVATIVE:

gruberly [adjective]

1. being similar to or resembling a gruber

2. standing in a position in which one’s head is inserted in one’s anus.

We will submit this to Urban Dictionary, and hope it will appear there soon. Peace, Gruber. Keep up the great work.

You can see more of this on the iPhone Savior site. Much love, iPhone Savior freaks.

Questions in advance, nothing confrontational, remember that you depend on me to make a living and in two seconds I could end your career, keep it light, keep it moving, no followups, no arguing, no pressing for more info, be reverential at all times, remember that you are acting as an extension of our PR arm and the point of this interview is to promote Apple and promote our products. That’s how my dear friend David Pogue (above) does it, and it’s why he’ll always have access to our products ahead of everyone else. Much love, David Pogue. And namaste. I honor the place where your interests and my own become one.