That’s right. Old pencil-dick thinks he got me good. And now that we tossed him out he’s out looking for his next victim. Phil just got a call from Jim Allchin, a retired Borgtard and secret Apple fanboy, who says he’s heard from friends inside the Death Star in Redmond that Eric Schmidt has approached Microsoft suggesting they give him a board seat. Eric swears he’ll recuse himself from meetings and won’t steal any of their ideas and inside information. Ballmer and his crew have been sending the email around and laughing their asses off. Eric, let me tell you something. After what you pulled here at Apple, no one will ever trust you again. You’re a dead man. Okay? You are the herpes of the tech industry. You lame-ass spy. You backstabbing, flack-fucking thief. You sat in our meetings and learned all of our secrets. You listened to our product development plans. Then you went off and copied our products and now you’re trying to fuck me in the ear with my own ideas. “Don’t be evil?” Is there anyone left in the entire world who still believes that? Tim Cook says we ought to team up with Microsoft and help them lobby the government to bring an antitrust case against you. And you know what? I’m liking the idea. I seriously am.