Unfortunately at this time our focus is not so much on the desktop, and so we regret that we would be unable to fulfill your request for a suitable replacement for Windows. We can, however, recommend Suse Linux Enterprise Desktop, which happens to be made and sold by a completely different company that is not us. They’re called Novell, and they have an alliance with Microsoft, so you’ll feel right at home with them. Excuse me — I’m sorry but is that a clean glass? Absolutely clean? Who washed it? You don’t know? Well I’m sorry but do you realize how many germs can jump onto a glass just in the time it takes to pick it up and hand it to me? Take it away. Get me one of the new glasses from the box in my office. The sterilized ones. And for God’s sake where’s my Purell?
God’s peace be with you, Dvorak.