I know you’ve been working your asses off trying to get this SDK out the door and I know I said recently that everyone in the company could have Thanksgiving week off. But now I’m afraid I must give you some bad news. For the sake of the company we are not going to be able to give your team that week off. In fact, you’ll need to work on Thanksgiving day as well. I know I don’t need to tell you how important the SDK is. I also don’t need to tell you how frigged up that SDK is, even today. Nor do I need to tell you that you were supposed to have the SDK ready for the iPhone release in June, and you screwed up then, and now you’re still screwing up, and if you don’t get your heads out of your rectums I am going to fire each and every one of you and hold back your last paychecks just out spite.
Anyway, in the spirit of all that is Apple, I want to say thank you for your hard work over the past two years, and I’m sure you won’t let us down. As our way of showing our gratitude we will be serving turkey sandwiches on Thanksgiving day in Caffe Macs. Stuffing and cranberry sauce will be available too. (But don’t even think about asking for any of my fresh wasabi. That’s only for Dear Leader.)
Also, please note that you are not the only ones who won’t be getting the Thanksgiving holiday break that was promised. Notes like this one are going out tomorrow to the OS X team, the iPod team, the tablet computer team, the software team, and all of our admins and interns. Also marketing and retail. The fact is, we are totally on a roll right now and we simply cannot afford to back off even a little bit. Now is the time to press our advantage and keep gaining share.
Phil Schiller and Tim Cook will be overseeing operations over the holiday and will be able to reach me in Hawaii if necessary. Full steam ahead, Apple!