My book is so much better than Colbert’s, I swear to God

Have you seen his book? It’s awful. I mean I’m a big fan of Colbert’s TV show and I know he hired a huge team of writers to work on the book for him but honestly, no kidding, this thing sucks ass. Nevertheless it’s a huge best-seller, while my own brilliant memoir … um, isn’t. Good news is you can rectify that situation and restore the natural order of the universe (not to mention your sense of childlike wonder) by clicking on the Amazon button conveniently positioned in the right sidebar of this blog, just a few spots down below that very classy and attractive and not-at-all-annoying video advertisement. Bokay?

Better yet, we’re offering a free fake v2.0 iPhone to the first 100,000 purchasers of the book. That’s right, Sparky. We’re doing a v2.0 iPhone. When will we announce it? Ah, I thought you might ask that. Sorry, I can’t tell you. But I’m using it right now. And yeah, it rocks. Totally. All you bozos who bought the v1.0 GodPhone are going to be soooo pissed, I swear. But hey. The technology road is bumpy, as Gandhi once said. Ha! Peace out, suckas. And seriously. Show some love. Buy the friggin book.