So Amazon had the nerve to go around Walt Mossberg and give the first crack at Kindle to Steven Levy, who dutifully turned a lame new consumer device into a massively overlong cover story in the current edition of Snoozeweek. You think Goatberg is going to just take that lying down? Rules is rules, kids, and the rule with the Goat is that he gets right of first refusal. On everything. You know what happens if you don’t play ball? This happens. You get prison sex. You get Goatie going all Travis Bickle on your ass. Of course Goatman doesn’t do it himself. He’s way too classy and Clintonesque for that. Instead he has his helper, John Paczkowski, handle the shiv work, while Walt stays above the fray. Check out the video where Paczkowski complains that Kindle is overpriced and that Amazon is greedy. Best of all is when he calls Kindle “the Zune of e-book readers.” Much love, Walt. You too, John. We couldn’t have done better ourselves. We’ll be remembering you at the Solstice Holiday, don’t worry.