Much love, Wall Street Journal

Check out this glowing review of my memoirs in this morning’s Wall Street Journal. We’d requested that they put Goatberg on the job since he’s been freshly hypnotized for his Leopard review. They insisted on using this other dude, Paul Boutin. No idea who he is and we were scared when they told us he works at Valleywag, since those guys are not exactly known for being kind. Or perceptive, for that matter.

Worse yet, Boutin wouldn’t drive down to Cupertino so I had to do my meet-and-greet hypnosis treatment over the phone. But it appears to have worked. Sure he had a little quibble about the ending but if you cleverly excise those few sentences you can create a blurb that reads like this: “From between the plot lines of “Options” bubbles a raw, honest look at Silicon Valley culture: low-rent billionaires, pretentious new-money moguls and “frenemy” competitors who have no one to talk to but each other. [blah blah mwah mwah bad stuff skip over this don't look here] … Fake Steve’s ruthless inner monologues about those around him ring truer than most nonfiction profiles of tech’s movers and shakers.”

Nice job of skipping over the blah blah part, right? We call it editing. Anyway who cares about a little quibble? It’s just there so the guy can save face and not appear to have a total man-crush on me. (Which he does.) Anyhoo. Namaste, Paul Boutin. When I count to three and snap my fingers you’ll awake feeling totally refreshed and not remembering anything about any review in the Wall Street Journal. FWIW, I’ve already put in a good word for you with Rupert, who’s trying to find a replacement for Goatberg. Frankly I think you’d be fantastic in that job. Call me.