Just think of the leverage we’ll have

When the frigtarded TV networks spend two years trying to flog their own download services and fail and then come crawling back to us. Same with the music guys. This has always been their one big threat to us: “We’ll go make our own download service.” We’ve always dismissed it as meaningless because, unlike these guys, we already know how hard it is to get one of these systems working correctly and smoothly, and we already know that they’ll never be able to do it on their own. Nor will they ever be able to participate in some kind of consortium where they all build one system together. No way.

So they’ve all been threatening us with this for years, and we’ve told them to feel free and go right ahead, and now they’re finally going to take the bait and go do it. We’re thrilled. They are going to waste hundreds of millions of dollars wading into a quagmire and in two years they’ll be looking for a way to back out while saving face. (Sound familiar?) They know they’re making a huge bet and they know what’s at stake — it’s their entire future. What they don’t realize is that they can’t win. That’s why we’re excited. We’ve needed them to do this. This is the beginning of the end for the TV networks, the last big lurch of the dinosaur as it gets dragged down into the tarpit. This is the last great spastic battle of the old pre-digital media giants. It’s going to be both ugly and hilarious.

As for us, we’ll just sit back and wait for them to sue for peace. If they think I’m boning them now, just wait till you see how I bone them once their only threat has been taken off the table, once they’ve completely surrendered and the whole world has seen how clueless and greedy and inept they are. Wait and see the kind of terms I extract once they’re at the end of their rope and I’m their only salvation. These idiots have no idea how mean I can be. Frankly, I can’t wait. (Illustration: Peter Frommer, Alley Invader.)