This is what I really wanted to say when the pussies started whingeing about the iPhone price cut. But instead they made me put my friggin name on that non-apology apology. I told Katie Cotton, you wait and see, customers are like toddlers, you give them a little on this, they’re going to come back whining about something else. Sure enough, now the friggin crybabies are bitching because they don’t like the terms of the rebate, and they’re publishing articles like this one where a dude from BusinessWeak says it’s “completely lame” that he can’t use his $100 rebate to buy songs on iTunes or an iTunes gift card. Lame? You know what’s lame? Lame is being a grown man and complaining in public about a few restrictions that are put on the hundred-dollar gift that someone just gave you — especially since, and here’s the kicker, the author of this article admits in the final paragraph that, um, he doesn’t actually own an iPhone. So he’s just prattling to hear himself prattle. Dammit! I friggin told my people this would happen.
People, listen. It’s just money. Money is shit. It’s beside the point. If you’re trying to decide whether to buy our products based on how much they cost — if you’re sitting down comparing an iMac to a comparably equipped Dell to see which one costs more — well, let me just say this: You should not be buying our products. You don’t get it. You don’t understand us. And you won’t be happy. Go away. Go buy from someone else. Truly, you’ll be better off, and so will we. There. I said it.