Watch out. This is change-the-industry rock-the-Valley kind of stuff. Like, one day the world is this way; and the next day it’s some other way. Sun is about to take the wraps off a top-secret program that My Little Pony says is going to turn this company around and make it once again the dominant provider of hardware in the world. As incredible as it may seem, Sun is about to roll out a new slogan. And from what we’re told, this one is going to be a killer. Like, huge. Like, game over. IBM and HP won’t even know what hit them. From what we’re told the new slogan is going to be Java-related and open-sourced, released under the GPLv3. Huge stuff. Though right now it’s still in beta.
We’ve been hearing about this for a while. Our operating system guys are pretty plugged in to the Unix community and apparently there’s been loads of buzz on message boards about something huge coming out of Sun. We figured it was maybe a new version of Solaris with some Linux hooks or maybe another major important new processor that would change the world like the Niagara chip did.
Turns out we were thinking too small. It’s not a chip or an operating system or a new server. It’s a friggin slogan. Jesus. Talk about huge. Just shows you again the kind of powerful imagination and leadership that set Sun apart from its rivals. Word is that MLP brought in a slogan team and logo team from McKinsey six months ago and these folks have been pounding away on ideas. Jonathan himself has been personally involved. Best of all they’ve taken Scooter out of the penalty box and turned him loose on this too. I’ve been wondering why we haven’t heard anything from Scooter lately. I figured maybe he’d thrown in the towel. Nope. He’s been deep at work in the slogan lab at Sun, with his sleeves rolled up, hitting the white board. He’s determined to turn this company around. And this time he and MLP are making the biggest bet in Sun’s history. They’ve spent $100 million developing the slogan and logo and plan to spend another $100 million on a massive media blitz to get the message out there.
Nobody knows what the slogan actually says yet but apparently Scott has been saying this is going to be bigger than his two previous hit slogans: “The network is the computer,” and “We put the dot in dotcom.” Pretty hard to believe these guys could outdo themselves again but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you should never, ever bet against Sun. Plus, Scooter is not the kind of guy who exaggerates or blusters so I’m taking him at his word. If he can pull this off I’d say it’s a return to the glory days, for sure.
Apparently there’s a tie-in to the new JAVA ticker symbol. That’s what the symbol change was all about. We all misread it as being just some stupid hollow gesture. No. It’s part of a master plan. From what we’re hearing MLP has been bounding around headquarters with this huge shit-eating grin on his face because he knows he’s about to crush his competition with the greatest, bestest, most ass-kicking slogan ever. Just look at him in that photo. Can’t you see how confident he looks?
I sent MLP an email suggesting he could use, “Dude, we invented Java. Have you heard of it?” To be sure, we have a trademark on the expression but we’d license it to Sun, no problem. He wrote back thanking me politely but telling me they’re all set. God I can’t wait to see what they’ve cooked up. You have to hand it to Sun. They’re the best slogan and sound-bite guys in the biz. Always have been. Much love, guys. (Photo: Burt Hammer, Groovytail Magazine.)