Darling, I’m sorry I lied to you. I promise I’ll never do it again. Seriously. Now put down the lamp.

So, no Beatles. And no touch-screen hard-disk iPod. Believe me, lover, when I tell you that I wanted to give you these things. I still want to give them to you. Can you forgive me? Please? I will get them for you someday. I promise. What’s that? Oh. Right. The douchebag Starbucks guy. I know. What can I say? He was forced upon me. Yes, he ruined the vibe and destroyed the karma. Lousy fit for an Apple event. Like a Mormon in a coffee shop. You’re right. I’m sorry. I know. I know. Stop yelling, okay? Please stop yelling. You don’t need to yell. Well I’m sorry but you are yelling. Okay, you raised your voice. Not the same as yelling. Fair enough. I hear you. Yes. I do. I said I’m sorry. What else can I do? Should I just keep saying “I’m sorry” over and over for the rest of my life? Would that do it? What? You think I don’t mean it? Jesus. I mean it. Okay? I mean it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry we slashed the price of an iPhone by two hundred bucks, and introduced a video Nano and an iPod with a touch screen and a WiFi iTunes store. I’m sorry I even went out there today. I should have stayed in bed. I’m sorry I was ever born. Okay? Is that enough for you? What’s that? We shouldn’t have put the event in the Moscone Center, because that just got everyone’s hopes up and misled everyone into thinking we were announcing something huge? Jesus. Okay. Next time we’ll just have it at a Wendy’s, down in back. I’m sorry. I said I’m sorry. I’m not being sarcastic. Okay, you’re right. That was sarcastic. I’m sorry for that too. I am. I mean it. I do. I’m sorry. Just please stop yelling. Okay? Or raising your voice. Right. Not yelling. But please. Calm down. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I swear I will. Just give me another chance.