No lie. He just called from Cannes. Says he’s being seriously considered to replace Wolfowitz. I’m like, “Dude, do you know anything about banking?” He goes, “First of all, cocknose, me cousin Ronan is assistant manager of a bank in Ballymun and I’ll tell ya, it’s a fookin sweet little gig wit all yer holidays and half days and not going in till ten in the morning. Second of all, look, did Jaysus know anything about religion before he started out? No. He didn’t know fook-all about it because he was just a regular guy, which in fact was his great strength and in the end he knew more than all the fookin Pharisees put together, didn’t he? Which is what I told them in my interview. Sure, they’re talking to Tony Blair, but come on, the guy’s poison after the Iraq thing. Plus, how many times has he been to Africa? Has he fathered any children there? Has he ever held hands and posed for photos with someone who’s got AIDS? Can he speak Swahili? Nah, man, I’m pretty sure it’s mine to lose, honestly. I did a phone interview and nailed it. And I took the Myers-Briggs exam and they say I’m an ENTP, which is ideal for a bank manager. I told them I want full-time pay and all the benefits, but I’ll only work three days a week plus I get time off for touring. Hey, Graydon, dammit, where’s my fookin smokes, eh? Didja steal them again you bastard? Oh man, fer God’s sake, put some fookin clothes on, seriously. Or tie up the robe at least cause man I really don’t need to see yer fookin turkey neck hanging out there, all right? Christ almighty.”
Bono also kept bugging me to fly over to Cannes and you know what? I’m going. I’ll have a full report on Monday, if not sooner.