Wired magazine, you are so friggin deep

So Steve Dowling, one of our PR guys, just brought me my stack of pre-read magazines with stickies attached to the articles I should check out, and there’s a note here about the April edition of Wired which features the following amazing letter to the editor, titled, “To Be or Not to Be”:

“You missed the biggest unanswered question: Why is there anything at all? Or to put it another way, Why isn’t there nothing — no matter, no energy, no universe, no space, no dimensions, no branes — no anything? We will have little fundamental understanding of our universe until we can begin to answer this question with anything other than superstition.”

Steve says this letter just blew him away with its profundity and I have to agree with him. This is deep stuff. Steve says we should be advertising more with Wired and doing more with this publication since our auras are so aligned. As Steve puts it, “Here’s a magazine that’s basically about gadgets, but dressed up with all sorts of pseudo-intellectual stuff about man’s search for meaning. Isn’t that just like us? Perfect fit.”

He also points out that Wired put the hot chick from “The Office” on the cover, naked, but then penned this embarrassing quasi-apology about how this wasn’t an attempt to use T&A to sell copies, no, not at all. It was a metaphor for their story about how companies need to be “naked” and “transparent” to the world. Geddit? Riiiight. I can’t wait till some idiot at Wired comes up with a theory about how “great customer service is like a great blowjob.” That’ll be a cover worth saving, with a headline like “WANT TO WIN IN BUSINESS? BE A WHORE!” above a photo of Jenna Jameson deep-throating a banana. And hey, why not a sidebar article called, “10 things your customer service department can learn from Fantasia Minge, top girl at the Chicken Ranch in Las Vegas.”

Still, though, Steve is right that we’d love to get at that Maxim-meets-faux-Einstein demographic. Our iPhone is not just a phone, it’s a profound philosophical statement, a discovery on par with relativity and the search for the elusive Higgs boson. But frankly I’m kind of pissed that we only made the #2 spot on “The Wired 40” list. After Google, of course. Ugh. Wired, redo the list and put us in first place and we’ll see about advertising with you.