So here’s how the feds operate

They know they have no real case against me. It’s been months, and they’ve brought no charges. Right? They’ve looked at this thing a zillion ways to Sunday. They’ve gone up my ass with a scope. And they’ve got nada. Zilch. Bupkis. So what do they do? They resort to leaking smears, like this piece of crap in the Chronicle. Who do you think all the “anonymous sources” and “people close to the matter” are? It’s the frigtards in the U.S. Attorney’s office. And the bozos at the Chron think they’re getting some huge Woodward and Bernstein scoop. It apparently never occurs to them that if these dudes actually had a case they wouldn’t be leaking halfwitted stories to the papers.

It’s straight out of the Eliot Spitzer playbook. Look what that asshole did to Hank Greenberg of AIG. Tried to force him into some awful settlement and threatened to smear him in the press unless he caved.

Well, Hank didn’t cave. And neither will the Jobsmeister. You should see the “settlement” they’re trying to get me to take. It’s a joke. And it’s not just money. They’re talking about community service too. I’m like, Dudes, I’ve already done my community service. I’ve given the world OS X, the iMac and the iPod. And the iPhone is right around the corner. Community service? You should be giving me a Nobel prize.