Meet Vivek Bhenchod. He’s the Apple assistant general counsel who told me I had to stop blogging. Claimed he was an EE from IIT and had a law degree from Stanford. Turns out he was neither. In fact he’s not even Indian. He’s friggin Mexican. Grew up in East Palo Alto. I would never have found out except I got so pissed on the blogging thing that I had our ex-Mossad guys look into him. Now they’re all laughing at me, telling me I’m an idiot for hiring him. Oppenheimer is like, Um, Steve, you think maybe the fact that he wears a loincloth instead of a suit might have been a little hint? But for my part the loincloth was the main reason to hire him. Way I see it, if you’re gonna go around saying that you think different, well, you should back that up. How many companies do you know that have lawyers who wear nothing but a loincloth? Seemed cool to me. That and the fact that he was willing to work for twelve bucks an hour. Good deal for an assistant general counsel — maybe too good, but I figured, WTF, the dude’s Indian, so maybe he doesn’t know better. And the loincloth stuff did throw people off balance. It was a hoot having him around, bringing him into meetings, watching people’s mouths fall open. Especially the ladies. Made people very uncomfortable. You should have seen the stiffs at Cisco when we sent old Viv in to negotiate the iPhone stuff. Anyway, Vivek (real name: Carlos) is gone now. Too bad. I’m gonna miss his scrawny little ass.