So you should have seen Chambers. What a total douche. He’s sitting there with a straight face doing his aw-shucks “Good John” act, telling us how his Cisco iPhone is going to be this huge thing and it’s so important and he’s afraid customers will get confused if we have a phone with the same name. Yeah right. Then he switches into “Bad John” and starts telling me how he owns this fucking trademark and he’s gonna put my balls in a fucking vise and squeeze until I scream and he’s all worked up and doing his big gorilla chest-thumping act. Thing is, I invented this “Good Steve, Bad Steve” routine that he’s now trying to use on me. I know what he’s trying to do. He wants to get me riled up. So I just do my Zen thing. I go very quiet. I press my hands together. I close my eyes. I wait. I wait some more. Finally I open my eyes and say, in a very soft voice, Are you done, John? Then I slid him a piece of paper and said, These are our terms. Thanks. Talk to you soon. And I got up and left.
So what was on the paper? That’s the key. There was nothing at all on that friggin piece of paper. It was blank. Apparently he went apeshit, screaming at my lawyers, blah blah. But he got the message. Which was: Dude, we will steamroller you. Of course he caved. The whole “lawsuit” was ridiculous to begin with. Oh, we also threatened to have Al Gore’s pals in the government start taking a closer look at their Cisco contracts, and maybe slowing things down a bit, and considering some new vendors. That might have played a role too. Much love, Al.