Whoops

I’ve been informed that the memo I posted earlier (see below) in fact is NOT going to be sent out to all Apple employees today. Sure wish Jerry York and Al Gore could make up their friggin minds on this. Last night Jerry called (just before midnight, in the middle of our lavish yet minimalist dinner party of miso soup and three kinds of rice) to tell me, “You’re done, kid. Hang up the gloves.” I’m like, Dude, nice timing, thanks a friggin lot. Anyhoo, I crafted the memo. Now I get a call from Al who just saw the memo in his blog reader and he’s like, Whoa there, good buddy, hold your horses! He says he’s holding talks today with the SEC guys and all the other government dweebs asking them to please write down their full names on a piece of paper so he can save their names for later reference if he becomes president in 2008. Or if one of his friends gets in. Apparently this is a technique he learned from Hillary Clintstone. She calls it the “Lorena Bobbitt” and swears it never fails. Even the frigtards who work as government lawyers are able to grasp the implications. Now they’re all scrambling to work out some way to let me remain in power but for them to save face. Frankly I don’t care if they save face or if they spend the rest of their lives working on the crew that sucks shit out of airplane toilets. And even more frankly, no matter what I might say in public, please don’t believe that I will ever NOT remain in power at Apple. They can’t run the friggin place without me and they know it. It’d be like Iraq without Saddam. Okay, I’ve said enough. Too much, in fact. Go get ‘em, Al. God knows it was a smart move to put you on our board of directors. I love you, man. Peace out.