We have just received a “subpeena” (sic) from a woman named Fantasia Q. Minge, who describes herself as an “adult performer” at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas, seeking “damiges” for repeating the “slandrous defecation” of her reputation by Butt Plug Girl on Yelp.
PLAINTIFF(S) FANTASIA Q. MINGE and SPEARMINT RHINO MANAGEMENT hereby contend that DEFENDANT(S) BUTT PLUG GIRL, BUTT PLUG BOY, YELP INC., GOOGLE INC., and FAKE STEVE JOBS have cast aspersion on the performance of PLAINTIFF FANTASIA Q. MINGE to the detriment of her career and for their own commercial gain. PLAINTIFF SPEARMINT RHINO contends that PLAINTIFF FANTASIA Q. MINGE did perform a satisfactory private lapdance for DEFENDANT(S) BUTT PLUG GIRL and BUTT PLUG BOY, with said performance remaining well within the limits set forth in the ordinances of Las Vegas, Nevada. PLAINTIFFS contend that misleading and inaccurate reviews have caused PLAINTIFF SPEARMINT RHINO to suffer a loss of patronage and in particular has caused PLAINTIFF FANTASIA Q. MINGE to suffer a decline in requests for lapdances. Thereby the above-named DEFENDANT parties are asked to pay no less than $1 million (USD) to FANTASIA Q. MINGE and SPEARMINT RHINO MANAGEMENT in compensation and restitution; to delete all offending reviews from the Internets; and to post a public apology immediately to FANTASIA Q. MINGE, her colleagues, and the management of SPEARMINT RHINO.
Hoo boy. This one just keeps getting better.
UPDATE: Apparently BPG got the same letter from Fantasia Q. Minge and took it to heart. She has taken down all of her reviews on Yelp including the one where she said mean things about Fantasia and the other girls at Spearmint Rhino, like calling them “stupid bitches.” Not sure if she’s also agreed to compensate Fantasia Q. Minge for her lost lapdance wages. Personally I’m just hoping that Fantasia Q. Minge will go away now that the offending material has been taken down off the “Internets.” –FSJ