"I’ve got the cutest little skirt for you. It’s out in the limo."

People keep rushing in here asking me what I think, so here’s my take on this deal: What the frig? Do you people not get it? Have you not seen this movie before? Like, over and over and over again? Did you not see the security software guys crying in their soup these past few months? Why on earth do people keep getting in bed with these guys? It’s like going on a date with Ted Bundy. “Well, he’s kinda cute, and he says he’s gonna ship 70,000 units a year. That’s more than we’ve shipped in our lifetime!” Okay, Novell. I get it. You’re a bunch of frigtards, you’ve failed to make a dent in Red Hat (even though they are equally frigtarded) and then Microsoft comes to you like the Devil coming to see Jesus in the desert and they say, Look down, all of that market can be yours. We’ll slay your enemies and make you rich. You will be the King of open source. And if you say no, well, we’ll kill you. Choice is yours.” So maybe you had no choice, Novell. I just thank God that poor old Ray Noorda died before this happened. Would have killed him to see this. Of course, it’s gonna kill you too. You just don’t know it yet. Right now you’re still Bill’s new girlfriend, strutting around in your high heels and short skirt and big diamond ring like the sexiest bitch in town. Wait till you get home and he shows you the collar and leash.

And as for Linux, here’s my feeling: If this stuff is so great, how come nobody wants it, even though it’s free? I mean, we’re charging a ridiculous amount of money for our computers. Ridiculous. Microsoft is even worse. (When you think of what crap they deliver.) And yet we’re both outselling this Linux stuff. And it’s free. It costs nothing. You don’t have to pay for it! And still nobody wants it! Guys, obtain a clue. Do something else with your lives. And um, Novell, how did you figure that “selling” a free product that you don’t even own or develop was going to turn your company around? It’s like Pixar saying we’re gonna get cartoons from someone else and give them away free and somehow make a killing. Right. Great idea. We’ll get right on that.

UPDATE: So Lasseter just emailed me all pissed off saying Pixar doesn’t make cartoons, we make animated films. Whatever, mega-loser. Stop reading my blog. Seriously. You just think you’re sooo all that, don’t you?