Angry Jesus revokes GOP license, vows to "beat some asses"

In the wake of the GOP’s stunning defeat, Jesus Christ of Nazareth announced he had revoked that party’s license to use his name and likeness in its advertisements henceforth. The Lord of Hosts delivered a stunning public beatdown to a cringing Party of God leader Georgius Bushicus (photo above), saying, “Mission accomplished? No kidding, motherf***er!” Angry Jesus emphasized, however, that he had not decided to switch allegiance to the Democrats. “I might just stay out of politics from now on. Too early to say. For right now it’s just time to beat some asses. And y’all know exactly which asses I’m talking about.” Sources close to Jesus say scourgings were delivered to sodomite pharisee Theodorus Haggardus as well as to apostles Tomas Delayicus, Johanus Abramofficus, Ricardius Hypocriticus Santorum and Marcus Folius (R.-Gomorrah), to whom Christ declared, “Commandment Number Eleven: Thou shalt not bone teenage boys in an election year!”