So this is supposed to be confidential but whatever. Bill has screwed everyone who ever got close to him, and on top of that he’s been secretly trying to poach away our OS X programmers for the past 2 years. So what do I owe him? Nothing. Anyway, turdface called me last night after Microsoft put out its lame financials which beat the Street but only because the Street already knows how badly Microsoft sucks ass these days. The whole Wintel ecosystem is getting blowed up. Dell had to warn the Street this morning. Intel is getting hammered. And everyone knows this is Microsoft’s fault for screwing the pooch on Vista. Apparently Michael Smell himself called Billy Boy last night and chewed his ass but good. And you know what? You think this is bad? Q3 and Q4 are gonna look like downtown Beirut compared to this. These morons have nothing to sell.
So here’s the gig. Gates says to me, How’d you like to come run Microsft? This Ozzie thing ain’t working out. Ozzie can’t stand Ballmer, and to be honest, who can? The guy sits in his office bellowing about how he doesn’t need this shit, he can go retire tomorrow and sit on his ass counting his money for the rest of his life, blah blah. Basically, he’s about to get canned, and he knows it. I thought Ozzie could step in but it’s obvious now that he can’t run this place. He’s a nice guy and all. But he’s a doofball. You need a Saddam Hussein type, someone who can rule through fear. So how about it, he says. I’m like, Dude, I’m flattered, but I’ve already got two jobs. And maybe you haven’t noticed this, but I think your products suck. But hey, have you called John Sculley? I heard he’s looking for a job.